Mentoring
Did you know that Polished Owl has a great guide on Mentoring, written by one of my best friends and smartest colleagues Adam Beaver? Since I am talking about mentors, I will share that I learn so much from Adam and working with him has been a true highlight of my life. Whether you are a student navigating your relationship with your advisor, a faculty member or scholar supervising students, or even a parent worrying about this aspect of your responsibility to your kids, this guide will help you think about how to make any mentoring relationship rewarding and productive. As I was reading this again, it hit me (again) how many parallels there are with good practices, whether you are teaching, advising, or leading in any way.
Set expectations. Do whatever you can to help make whatever is implicit to you about how the relationship should work as explicit as possible. As the mentor, one of your main responsibilities is to set the ground rules, and have an explicit discussion with your students about them. Too many assumptions about how the relationship will work can lead to confusion and frustration. As a mentee, your job is to share your goals and ask what the expectations are if something is unclear. It’s ok to ask! As with teaching, you should have an initial discussion about this, and then revisit the expectations periodically to make sure things are still going smoothly. I remember one student telling me that when she first started meeting with her advisor, she was waiting for him to tell her what to do, and he didn’t. She realized he was waiting for her to tell him what she was doing and what she needed. This was an important part of her transition to being a PhD student: she had to learn to be more proactive. There is not one right way to do this in the relationship, but coming to a shared understanding is the goal. My son is struggling in his algebra class this year, and I am trying to be supportive, but to let him figure it out for himself. I have told him explicitly that I want to give him space to do it himself, I expect that he is working to make the most of the resources he has, and that he will ask me if he needs help doing that. And I ask him regularly how the class is going to give him a chance to share, so he knows I am here and invested in his progress.
Listen. We need to listen with an open mind. As we learn from the guide, it is all too easy to employ a shift response, where you bring the focus back to yourself, rather than really listening and trying to understand what a student is saying. I know why we don’t do it. It takes time. Messy things can come out. I see this with my son. Of course I want him to tell me algebra is going well, that my advice has solved his problem, but I need to make room for what he really wants to tell me. I need to realize that this will be a journey for this year of math, and one test or review session won’t “fix” it. I believe in teaching listening skills (the activity I describe here is a great way to teach listening), and practicing active listening strategies. You can start by summarizing back what you hear your student saying, and asking questions to clarify any confusion. On the flip side, if you feel your mentor isn’t listening, try to speak up to explain. We need to take the time to do this at all levels.
Give feedback. This is something I’ve written about regularly this fall. It can be difficult to give and receive feedback, and you may have a fear of feedback either way! But giving and receiving feedback is essential to learning and growth. Students are unlikely to know they are doing something wrong if you don’t tell them! I think sometimes we don’t realize how much guidance students actually need, and we may be afraid of hurting their feelings or having an awkward conversation. We also may not realize what kind of feedback will help them the most: appreciation, coaching, or evaluation. Asking some open-ended questions to try to understand the student’s approach can help. I ask my son how his math teacher wants him to study, what he thinks he needs to do well to succeed in the class, and whether he is doing those things. Sometimes the most successful feedback comes through a question that prompts the other person to reflect.
Advocate. As you work with your mentees, you will learn their strengths and unique contributions, and think about how to help them highlight those, and where they might need the most help. An important part of advocating is staying current on what is expected in particular domains of your field so you can help your mentee feel prepared and ready for the opportunities they are pursuing. You don’t have to be expert at everything, and you can refer your mentees to other experts if you worry your own expertise in a specific area is lacking. I think the parent analogy is apt here, because as a teacher or academic mentor it may seem essential you know more than your student in all areas, but you don’t always have to be a technical expert to be a mentor or leader. My kids already know way more about baseball than I do. It is not my job to know the technical things, but to connect them to good coaches and other advisors, depending on their future goals. I am also not doing any fancy algebra at this stage of my life, but I can do the basics and encourage my son to get technical help if he needs it.
I’ll keep you posted on how the algebra goes! I think no matter what our mentoring relationships look like, we are trying to find the right way of being both supportive and encouraging, not doing too much, but also not doing too little. We can’t fix everything, but we can be there for support and ideas. As I have said about teaching, If students know what to expect, and they know you care about their learning and growth, you have a much greater chance of success.
Do you want advice on being a mentor, or on navigating your relationship with your advisor? Check out the online guide, or sign up to chat with me. I can’t wait to connect!
