Behind

Every graduate student I have met with recently has said something like, “I thought I would be further along by now. I can’t believe it’s spring break, I’m so behind!” It’s so easy to feel this way. We have the sense that life is a race and we need to keep up with it. And it’s true there are deadlines, and some things, at least our classes, happen on a predictable schedule. Other things don’t. You can spend months waiting to hear back about job applications, or spinning your wheels on an idea you want to write about. That spinning time is part of the process, where you are figuring out what you are doing. You can’t always be perfectly efficient. Many things are not in our control. Progress is not linear. We are where we are. It is hard not to make false predictions, or to think, well, by then, surely I’ll know more about what’s happening with____. But you might not know! 

And sometimes we aren’t ready. I have friends now whose kids don’t want to take a gap year before college, even though it might help them be more ready, because they don’t want to be behind. But there’s no race, and you should go to college or graduate school when you are able to make the most of it. Taking the time we need should motivate us, instead of feeling like a failure. We have to get out of this constant losing battle with the calendar. 

Hear this now: There is nothing to be gained from feeling behind, because the only place to begin is where you are.

And the waiting time is just life. Life doesn’t wait for the milestones to happen, it’s everything that happens in the meantime. Like your kids are growing up as your mom is dying as you are working on your next career step. There’s no perfect time for anything and everything is a process. It's not like we get an answer, or good news, or we finish a paper and everything is suddenly perfect. There is always more to do. I went to a competitive college preparatory school. We were focused entirely on getting into college. And I remember finally getting to college and having no idea what to do next! Like, ok I did what I was supposed to do, now what? The same thing happens to faculty who get tenure, and students who get into graduate school. You’re not done, you are just beginning. You can take a break after hitting a milestone, and you definitely need to celebrate those moments, but there isn’t a time when you are done. So remember, you are not behind, you are becoming! 

Are you feeling behind, stuck, or unmotivated? I am here to help you think through your next steps, and how to start from where you are.